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December 19, 2021 6 min read
Self-confidence is just one element in a trio of things that make up our overall "confidence." Here are ways on how you can boost your confidence.
Self-confidence is a bit like the running water in your house. You may not know every detail about how it works or where it comes from, but it's painfully obvious when it's not there. Like when your water is shut off, an absence of self-confidence has a substantial negative impact on your health and lifestyle. Fortunately, you can do things to improve and make it a lot better.
In everyday conversation, self-confidence is often confused with self-esteem. It overlaps with the less well-known term "self-efficacy." However, psychology gives each of these terms a specific definition. It's helpful to distinguish among the three:
These concepts overlap, and psychologists disagree about the lines between each one. You can have enough confidence to believe that you're capable of learning how to play a new game, for example, while simultaneously lacking the self-efficacy to think that you'll be any good when you first start. Likewise, you can have zero confidence in your ability to cook while still believing you're a good person and deserving of love.
Self-confidence is your belief in how good you are at something, but it's not a measure of your actual skill. So why does it matter if you believe in yourself? According to Charlie Houpert, the author of "Charisma on Command" and the founder of a 2.7-million-subscriber YouTube channel of the same name, confidence doesn't just make you feel better. It also helps you take risks to make tangible improvements to your life.
"Internally, true self-confidence will lead to more positivity, happiness and resilience," Mr. Houpert said. "Externally, high self-confidence will lead to taking more risks, which directly correlates with reaping more rewards."
The "Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology" puts it another way: "If the person lacks confidence, again there will be no action. That's why a lack of confidence is sometimes referred to as 'crippling doubt.' Doubt can impair effort before the action begins or while it is ongoing."
If you believe you can get your dream job if you apply, there's a chance, however small, you might get it. If you don't believe that you can get it, and you don't apply, it's guaranteed that you won't. Self-confidence doesn't magically make you better at what you do, but it makes you take the necessary risks to achieve your goals.
If building self-confidence is a matter of changing your beliefs about yourself, it's going to take some work. Of course, you can say, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and, doggone it, people like me" into the mirror every day — and it couldn't hurt — but there are more practical, effective tools you can use, too.
Mr. Houpert suggests being "hyper honest" with yourself as a simple, everyday way to exercise your confidence.
"For example, let's say someone asks you what you do for fun or what you do for a living," he said. "If you find yourself biting your tongue or hiding something, evaluate that. That's an indication to either stop doing that thing or, more likely, accept that part of yourself and own it."
This doesn't mean you have to share every part of your personality with everyone you meet. For example, you can share your geeky hobbies with your geeky friends but stick to work topics at work. However, you can find someone to share yourself with. "When you stop hiding parts of yourself from other people, you'll find you feel more confident in who you are," Mr. Houpert said.
Many people start working out to lose weight or build muscle, but exercise can also be a massive boost to your self-confidence. The American Psychological Association has noted that exercise can improve your mood and — along with regular treatment and therapy — help combat depression and anxiety. It can also help improve your confidence if you stick with it for a while. Working out regularly requires a commitment, and keeping that commitment is an accomplishment. Sticking to a new healthy habit makes you feel more confident. You can also spot physical improvements to your body and health over the long term.
Stepping outside your comfort zone is, as you might expect, uncomfortable. But, Mr. Houpert said that's the point.
"Confidence is ultimately about being comfortable in a wide variety of situations that would make most people feel uncomfortable," he said. "So if you stretch your comfort zone every day, very quickly, you'll have a large comfort zone and be able to feel more comfortable even when outside of it."
This can involve more daunting changes, like taking a new job or confronting someone you usually avoid. However, it can also take smaller forms, like striking up a conversation with someone new if you're generally shy or trying new food. According to Mr. Houpert, it's more important that you expand your comfort zone regularly rather than occasionally throwing yourself into the deep end.
How you dress can affect how other people perceive you, but it can also affect yourself. Wearing different clothes can prompt you to think or behave differently. This effect isn't just limited to feeling good about yourself. Dr. Adam D. Galinsky, a professor at Columbia Business School, found that participants in a study who wore a white lab coat exhibited more focused attention. In other words, when people dressed as a doctor, they behaved more like a doctor, or at least how they thought a doctor might act. If you want to feel more confident, dress like a confident version of yourself would. If you haven't checked out our Hairstyling Powder, I'd suggest you check out here and try a new way of styling your hair.
Impostor syndrome is a nasty mental bug that convinces you that your accomplishments don't really count and that you're going to be found out as a fraud. This doubt can creep in because it's easier to remember faults but more challenging to remember successes. So make a habit of periodically writing down or reflecting on times you've done things well. It's easier to be confident in your abilities when you remember them.
Much like how you dress, the posture you adopt can affect how you feel about yourself. While it might feel a little silly at first (remember that tip about stepping outside your comfort zone), trying out powerful stances can help adjust your frame of mind. For example, research from Ohio State University suggests that something as simple as sitting up straight can make you feel more confident in what you're doing.
As you start to express yourself more confidently, it's natural to worry about becoming arrogant in the process. However, according to Mr. Houpert, arrogance isn't confidence run amok.
"Arrogance is more the result of insecurity than high self-confidence," he said. "Confidence is self-satisfied, while arrogance requires external validation to feel good. So you get people who brag to solicit the recognition of others. Someone with true self-confidence can be assertive and stand up for themselves. Still, they're unlikely to adopt a tone that others perceive as arrogant. Oddly enough, the best defence against arrogance is developing true self-confidence."
If you start doubting yourself, it will take time before you feel like you belong. In the interim, your own creeping doubt can try to tell you that feeling good about yourself or standing your ground is really arrogance. Recognizing that this is a symptom of insecurity — and that being aware of the sign is its own form of inoculation against it — can help you push past it.
There are many ways to improve your self-confidence. Still, it's vital to know self-confidence is just one part of your overall confidence level.
Our mission here at OBRO is to provide a platform to build up your confidence and become a better man than yesterday. We create men's grooming products where we see there should be an improvement made within the industry.
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